Am I To Blame? [Autism From A Mother’s Perspective]



During my pregnancy, I admit that I was physically and emotionally stressed, so I felt burdened when I learned that my son had autism.  There was guilt inside of me that the stress I had during those times could have affected my son’s brain development.




The many questions that were bothering me always led me to read and research about autism, and I found out that it is widely due to a genetic disorder.  But recently, there are researches done that linked stress to autism, though my doctor keeps on assuring me that there’s not enough proof to that yet and the studies are not yet conclusive.


My doctor told me to stop thinking that way and to stop blaming myself. Instead, I should focus on finding ways to improve my son’s condition and how to give him a close to normal life.


God Is My Strength

In an article of Marjie L. Roddick, MA, NCC, LMHC she explains that “Spiritual wellness is related to your values and beliefs that help you find meaning and purpose in your life. Spiritual wellness may come from activities such as volunteering, self-reflection, meditation, prayer, or spending time in nature.” In these trying times, God has been the source of my strength.   His provisions have kept us going and have sustained our needs.   I am thankful that God sends people to help me, friends and families, who share my burden.   The struggle is real for my kid and me.




Autistic Children Are Special Kids With Special Needs 

My son has trouble interacting and playing with others.   Just like that, he will get overwhelmed by a slight noise and sudden changes, sometimes making him hurt himself.  He is delayed when it comes to schooling because he is a slow learner and it is hard to have him focus on tasks. Because of these things, I have to enroll him in a particular school for children with autism which is more costly than the regular school.   I have to put him in a class that exclusively focuses on helping children like him develop their skills.  He receives therapies such as behavioral, speech, and occupational therapy.


I sometimes get frustrated because of our situation, but every time I look at my son’s progress, it encourages me to get back on my feet and to try my best to provide for his needs.  My child cannot do it alone, and I’m his only support, so I have to be strong for him. Jo White, a therapist statement hit me when he said, “From my perspective, it’s one of the hardest things to deal with because, particularly if they’ve got young children — they’re struggling, they’re really struggling with behaviours.”




My Son’s Autism Has Taught Me So Much

Patience is the virtue I have acquired over the years, and I keep on honing it every day.   I’m no longer that selfish girl I used to be.  There’s no more “I” or “me,” but always “us” and “he” first.  I’m now more sensitive and considerate of his needs.   I never thought I could sacrifice this much for the sake of my son’s future.


I still get sad, and I still get angry, especially when I hear people saying stupid things about my baby.   How dare they say things which they don’t understand much. “Being diagnosed with Autism does not have not to impact you negatively. People with Autism can live fulfilling and meaningful lives. It is about learning the tools and skills that can help lead to success.” John Cutrone, LMHC, MCAP, CAS said and I believe him.


There’s No Turning Back

If I could just go back and change everything that’s always lingering in my thoughts.  What have I done to this little angel of mine?   If only I could take it away from him, the shame brought by this disorder, the judging looks of people around him, the unfair treatment, and all the discriminations that I know is hurting his pure heart.


But just like what my doctor is always telling me, instead of thinking about the problem, why not think of the solution?  So I am sharing this in the hope that it will open people’s minds that they may understand how it is to have a child with autism, that they may become more considerate and empathetic the next time they see a child with autism.